Empathy Meeting Self-Guide
To help stay connected to your deeper needs and to the humanity in others, and to be more effective in getting your needs met and facilitating solutions…
Preparing for the conversation..
Prepare for the conversation by writing key phrases or requests in the “Self-Expression” and “My needs” boxes, drawing clarity from a Needs list
If, in preparation for the meeting, you realize you are “triggered,” i.e. have pain or tough emotions when you think about other meeting participants, you may want to jot down a few “Empathy Guesses” in the “Empathy Guesses” box about what Universal Needs that might be motivating them, so that you can cue yourself to remember that during the meeting
during the meeting
If you become triggered, you can write down your “FTN,” or feelings, thoughts, and needs, on the paper, instead of having them distract you or missing an opportunity for them to give you valuable information about needs of yours that you want addressed
You can also record specific things that are said or thoughts you have that really bother you or that you want to understand more deeply in the “Triggers” section, to note them to work on later
You can jot down any “Requests” you have in the form of “Would you be willing to do x y z in order to help me get my need for a b c met?” You can simply make a note of the requested action (x y z) and your needs; naming your universal human need for the other party may help them empathize what what you’re seeking.
after the meeting
As the meeting is concluding, in the golden boxes in the upper right you can give yourself a % of how much of the time you were able to be in empathy with the other person(s), able to at least inhabit a caring space. This is for your own learning and growth, to draw your attention to individual people you may want to work on your internal relationship to, perhaps using an intensity exercise such as can be seen on the Toolset Process Videos page.
On the back of the Empathy Meeting Self-Guide you can review how the meeting has gone more in-depth, by looking at what needs of your were unmet, either by your own actions or by those of others’, “Mourning,” and what needs of yours were met, “Celebrating.” Sometimes, one action will both meet some needs and not meet others, such as choosing not to speak up, or speaking up on a particular issue. In the “Learning,” section you can write requests you have of yourself, such as next steps or triggers you want to practice with, or new understandings.